i confess, i don’t have a freaking clue what i’m doing over here. like i don’t even know where to start i’m so lost. but some how we’re managing, barely. sometimes it hits in layers, sometimes it hits you all at once. time is passing and i’m worried that i’m not doing enough. that i am completely and utterly failing my kids.
my daughter made a list of new years resolutions for school this year. she’s just the sweetest thing on the planet, i swear. she resolved to be better to us (her parents), and to her little brother, and to work to earn extra money.
that last one really got me, because i realized in that moment that our worries are her worries, and whether we realize it or not, she’s taking it all in. obviously, if my 8 year old feels the need to contribute financially, therapy is out of the cards, so here i am.
mom confessions #1.
- well in case you missed the memo, i don’t know what i’m doing.
- i wish i had more time, or was somehow better able to manage time. i feel like we’re always rushing around even when we plan. even when we set the clothes out the night before and know what’s for breakfast and have the lunches packed, somehow we’re still late, and whether it is or it isn’t, it always feels like it’s my fault.
- i’m done with socks. done. seriously, it’s over between me and socks. i’m the only one who ever matches them, and i’m just not doing it ever again. from now on all the socks get thrown into a laundry basket for individual person to pilfer for themselves.
- i lose it sometimes. i’m sorry. i shouldn’t. i know i shouldn’t, but it just happens, and i feel like i can’t control it. i could be fine one minute and the next minute i am losing it over clothes on the floor and toys and books and papers everywhere. i straight lost it this weekend because every movie case had the wrong freaking movie in it. so here i am, saturday morning, and i can’t find scooby doo: the witches ghost like anywhere, and i mean anywhere. but it’s the only movie that the kids could possibly watch of the 50,000 movies they have. so mommy’s going to open every movie case, pop out the wrong movie and make stacks of movies to pop the right movies in, so that next week they can be all out of order again.
- i just want my mom. oh the irony. especially in knowing that my mom probably didn’t have a grand clue what she was doing either. but it never fails, something goes wrong at work, or at home, or with the kids, or someone is sick and who do i call??? my mom! she’s the best! she’s just super and i love her soooo much! i’m going to try to remember that the next time i feel like a complete and utter failure of a mom.
to all the other moms out there, know that you’re not alone. sure there are things that i could do better, and everyday i am working on being better, but i’m trying not to be too hard on myself. i’d like to see more moms forming community, and being supportive of one another. there’s really only room for embracing one another, and no room for shaming.
do you have a mom confession to share? put it in the comments below!