a letter to my former self

dear former self–

you’re so god damned amazing. you’re special. you’re smart. you’re funny. you’re valuable. you’re worthy of only the best things. you don’t know any of this, but you should, because you’re going to give yourself away to people who don’t deserve you. you’re going to give your heart, your time, your friendship and your body to people who don’t deserve you.

so stop. just stop. right now. stop whatever the fuck stupid drama you think isย soooo important, because i promise you it’s not. another few years and that transparent backstabber will be like a blip in time. a big fat nothing burger. like, “you don’t like me?ย paaalease, get in line.” so stop. stop worrying about things that aren’t worthy of your time.

stop giving yourself away. stop now. and instead of running away from anything and everything, instead of picking up the phone or going to a party, or going to Taco Bell for a 79 cent bean burrito because that’s literally all the money you have, give back to yourself. give your time to yourself. get to knowย yourself. hug yourself. love yourself.

before you give your body to anyone, give it to yourself.

know your body and own your body. own every little part of it and know it. know how you like to be touched and how you don’t like to be touched, and take full ownership of every part of your being. you are worthy. you are a goddess. you are a temple, and you must honor yourself.

because believe me, people will treat you like a toilet literally and figuratively pissing, shitting and ejaculating all over your person if you allow them to. so don’t let them. don’t let anyone take a single piece of you without earning it. and i’m not talking dinner and a movie earning it. i’m talking all out ends of the earth, showing you in every single way how precious and special you are. every. single. way. written, spoken, unspoken, you are not a token to be won, but a treasure to be honored. don’t ever forget it.

now that we’ve covered healthy boundaries let’s talk about your level of confidence, because you, sweet young woman, have been programmed to doubt yourself; to internalize how others perceive you; and to put everything and everyone before you.

no more. your mind is sharp, your ideas are good, and your voice is worthy of being heard. in fact, the world is waiting for you to spread your wings and shout from the roof-tops. the world needs you to use your strong, assertive voice to shed light on all that has been disregarded in you; to acknowledge all of the opportunities lost the result of your gender, your experience, and the fact that the rape culture doesn’t value you as a child, an adolescent, as a woman, or as a person…you’re not a white male, so you’re not really that important. well let me just say, and you know deep down inside, that this is all a huge [and real] crock of shit/hardest pill to swallow.

which is why youย have to speak up. you have to share what has happened to you.ย have to. but more than anything, more than any little thing, you must let your beautiful light shine, and you must stay soft. you can’t let the tragedies and jilts of your life make you hard and transform who you are.

you are your divine light. you define you, and you must honor yourself and your light in your actions and your relationships.

you are amazing. you are smart. you are truly beautiful through and through. value you.

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11 thoughts on “a letter to my former self

  1. Given my recent move and such this one spoke loudly (and lol no I’m not a woman) it just kinda reminds me to get off my ass and be me!! Glad I clicked the link (much more fulfilling than the doonesbury ashtray on eBay)

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    1. Joe, that’s lovely, thank you for sharing! Glad to know that the ideas shared transcend gender and age. We can all look back with love and acceptance for the people we once were, as we reach and aspire to be our authentic selves. ๐Ÿ™‚ And I admit I’m intrigued by the idea of a doonesbury ashtray at present…

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      1. lol they had the mr butts character I guess it’s proof I’m getting old Taco Bell used to have ashtrays, trans fat rocked, parachute pants were comfortable and chicken was cheap. Now it’s organic yoga pants and flat screen tvs and kids are less healthy lol I miss pagers and pay phones!!

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      2. Awesome I woulda been after that like a drooling school kid! I did the Henley sweater or a baggy hoodie and I’ll admit I did have a pair of leather pants that were two sizes too small lol and a jerry curl!

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