because i don’t know what i’m doing and i can’t afford therapy…
mom confessions #3
- i NEVER wanted this to happen, but it has happened any way, i treat my children differently. for example, my first child just turned 9 and i’m not exaggerating when i tell you i have tens of thousands of pictures of her, and hundreds of prints. my second child just turned 3, and while i have a few thousand pictures of him, i would say we’ve printed less than 100. the poor little guy. and of those we’ve printed, i don’t think any of them are framed. instead we stick them on the fridge…idk… then there’s the fact that my children were born on the same day, and after 5 years of all out birthday extravaganzas, when little nater-tater came along we had one big birthday and that’s it. i feel like i try to make up for it by smothering him, which obviously irritates my daughter. i lose no matter, and i’ve become so many of the things that i promised myself i wouldn’t.
- in the spirit of not keeping promises to myself about the mom i am/imagined i would be… i distinctly remember as a child wanting my parents to play with me, but for whatever reason they struggled with it and i promised myself i would never lose my childlike sense of play when i became an adult. but it happened. and it’s sad. i’m overwhelmed most of the time, so ya, i’m struggling here to just play and free myself of my piling obligations.
- i should have purchased stock in chocolate milk. seriously, we’re like willy wonka over here with a chocolate waterfall flowing like little Niagara. morning, noon, night i hear it over and over, “mommy, i want chocolate milk.” and not kidding, we ran out of milk the other day and my 3 y/o was like, “mommy you have to go to the store and get more milk.” only he says “milk” like “mehlk,” accentuating every syllable.
- i find myself googling the weirdest things….ex: what color should your poop be?; plants to grow when your home is north-facing; home remedies to unclog a sink (none of them work btw, thank the Lord for a home warranty); …the list goes on…the cool factor goes down…
- **cliche alert** being a mom is the hardest fucking job in the WORLD. i didn’t follow the exact correct, graduate>get married>have a family schema. i dropped out of college, lived in a tent, moved home and started going back to school, had a baby, got married, worked full-time and finished undergraduate and graduate school as a mom and wife. i have worked my ass off day in and day out. now everyday feels more and more like groundhog day. wake up, empty dishwasher, fix breakfast, ready kids, ready self, commute, work, pick up kids, dinner, shower, pass the fuck out because i can’t hold my eyes open, repeat. on the weekends i squeeze in laundry, cleaning, yard work and usually a nap. damn this shit is hard. no one tells you how hard it really is. i don’t know if i should high-five myself or go cry for myself…ehh neither…this isn’t anything out of the ordinary-award-worthy activity. this is the regular everyday grind for working women with families. so before you judge a single mom out there, check yourself.